Found: Another Work of Art via Tumblr

you fell in love as soon as we met

but i fell for you seven days before that

i glanced at you for three seconds and you blew me away

and over six hundred thousand seconds later

when i thought i had collected my confidence

you had already initiated conversation

i had never seen such an elegant being

i was in awe in every sense of the word

i was like a puzzle just shy of one million pieces

and my train of thought was the only one missing

you fill my chest with the sweetest air i have ever felt

yet i think if you take one more breath from my lungs

they will cave and infatuate themselves with my heart

we spoke again three weeks later (i think)

nothing could have stopped the stuttering of my words

i didn't know what it was about you

maybe it was your light vanilla scent

or your vibrant smile and autumn eyes

but you were beyond captivating and gorgeous

you were mine and i was yours

this was it

i love you,

i love you,

i love you.

h.c.

I'm not sure who H.C. is, but this was too beautiful not to share.

Six word stories

As usual, my brain is a jumbled mess of whatever happens to be going on in my life and whatever I have experienced that day. Today, like usual, it's more poems and tidbits from Tumblr. But more specifically, six word stories that (for me at least) leave you wanting more. Here are some of my favorites.

You deserve happiness. So I left.
She chased clouds hoping for rainbows.
Laughter long ago swallowed by shadows.
Do not laugh. We need dreamers.
Smoldering ashes. You stole my fire.

(These are all from the same blog and author) 

(These are just random finds on Tumblr)

I miss how you wanted me. 

You are somebody. Not some body.

The people you love become ghosts.

I discovered myself while discovering you.

Someone loving you doesn't fix you.

We all die with unanswered questions.

Under your finger tips, I matter.

Eye contact: how souls catch fire.

There are no winners, only survivors.

Hearts grow heavy with the sea.

But with you, it was different.

And finally, a Margaret Atwood quote: "There are mountains inside your skull," which comes from the longer quote:

at last you, will say
(maybe without speaking)

(there are mountains
inside your skull
garden and chaos, ocean
and hurricane; certain
corners of rooms, portraits
of great-grandmothers, curtains
of a particular shade;
your deserts; your private
dinosaurs; the first
woman)

all I need to know:
tell me
everything
just as it was
from the beginning.

Changes

On Saturday, I went to tour Castleton's campus. It was exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I had decided early in this semester that I was going to transfer for next spring, but now that the time has finally arrived and I'm almost there, I'm scared. I don't know why exactly. I'm nervous to live away from home for the first time. I don't know how long it will take to become friends with my roommate. I'm not 100% sure about the food (from what they had available during lunch, or brunch as it's called on the weekend when they serve omelettes and chocolate chip pancakes at noon.) It's certainly not home cooked meals. I just suddenly unsure, but it's going to happen.

I'm confident about some things though. I'm looking forward to the new learning environment, to the teachers that I've met and all the potential courses. I'm excited about my major; Global Studies. (I'm not too thrilled with the need for 12 credits in a language alone, but there are worse things.) I get to travel abroad for a semester, it's required for a Global Studies major. I might become a journalist because of my degree, and I am just excited for my future, even though I have no idea what it will really hold. It's all unknown at this point, with a lot changes about to happen, so it's completely terrifying but amazing all at the same time.

To This Day

I first saw this video on Tumblr (thanks Justina!) a week or so ago. I've been thinking about it ever since. I've decided to share my own To This Day experience.

So as many of you know, depression took over my life my sophomore year of high school. I was still involved in many school activities though, trying to hide how this invisible disease had taken over my life. I was in Student Council, National Honor Society, I played soccer, I managed Varsity softball, and I was class secretary. As class secretary, I was just supposed to take notes and make sure everyone knew when the meetings were, but as the school year went on, I had to start taking on more and more. I was coming up with class fundraisers and designing bulletins by my self. I was organizing events like a 50/50 raffle and middle school dances and trying to organize meetings, because we had Junior Prom to start thinking of for next year. I was doing everything by myself. Every time I tried to get someone else involved or tried to get someone else's input, they'd blow me off or tell me point blank that they didn't care. So I took over completely. I had decided to make my classes problems personal. I was Atlas, holding everyone else up above me, when I let go.

I got sick the day before a scheduled movie day I had single-handedly planned. I got permission to use the schools library; I wrote, signed and addressed permission slips to parents; I got an after school bus for kids who's parents wouldn't be picking them up for free. I did everything, but by the end of that planning, I was so stressed out. Thursday afternoon, before the movie day, the softball team I managed had a game in the pouring rain and I got sick. I didn't go to school the next day. I texted, emailed, and Facebooked everyone who had "agreed" to help with the event that everything was taken care of, all they had to do was set everything up. I didn't get a reply from anyone.

I came to school on Monday and the world I had been trying to hold up for so long had crashed all around me. My "friends" were angry at me and wouldn't tell me why. I was replaced as class secretary that week, without being told there was a class meeting where the entire class would vote. Apparently, they didn't approve of me doing everything on my own and wanted me to include them. I learned a lot that year, about myself, about my classmates, and about the world. It was the first time I realized how much growing up was going to hurt.

To this day, I'm still afraid to take on too much, to really push myself to accomplish something. I'm also afraid to trust other people to help me. I'm scared that if I let people in, they'll be part of what brings me down someday.

NaNoWriMo

So for those who might not know what that is, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month, (November). And I just signed up. I'm excited, but also a bit apprehensive. I want to further the writing that I do in class and turn it into a novel. I have to write 50,000 words in just the month of November, so filling in the blanks from where my writing jumps from one subject to the next is what I'm going to do, since the writings I've already completed don't count. I'm hoping that by telling all of you here will keep me motivated and will make me want to write in my spare time. This project will give me something to do, something to focus my writing towards. And maybe I'll get a book out of it. Who knows, right?