Showing posts with label frustrated. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustrated. Show all posts
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Found on Tumblr: Inspiration to get me through my disappointment
Tl;dr - Quotes and statements about the shooting in Isla Vista
Because someone has to say it, and it has to be a man.
Just because you’ve never groped a woman, never hit a woman, would never force yourself on a woman, doesn’t absolve you of all blame and responsibility.
If, in response to this most recent shooting (or any of the counts of men brutalizing women who’ve rejected them), a boy says to you “Hey, not all guys are like that,” or “You’re generalizing men,”, you should be cautious of that person. They are saying that your fear for your life is less important to them than their need to feel distanced from the problem.
If you hear a boy sympathize with this man, this ‘nice guy’ who got rejected, if they connect with that pain and rationalize his actions, you should be more than cautious of that person. That they choose to identify with him, rather than the ‘dumb sluts’ — the very human women, the people he saw as symbols of women’s lack of self-awareness and status as sexual objects — should scare you.
If that boy, or in fact, any person, tells you that things like these are the product of mental illness, or implies that they are isolated incidents, or even that you are making something out of nothing, you should be cautious of that person. One in three women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime. The person that implies you are being hysterical or irrational does not care about your safety or your feelings. You should be scared of someone like that.
If you are a boy, and these horrible, violent things disgust you, then do something about it. If you are incredulous that a man would ever do something like this to a woman, or indeed another human person, then say something. Women feel very often that the men they love and trust don’t care to listen to things like this.
That’s very isolating. The idea that your valid fears — the things that make you nervous walking alone at night, nervous about that boy who stares at you in class, nervous about saying the wrong thing, wearing the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing that somehow justifies in the eyes of society your rape or murder — the idea that those fears, when spoken, fall on deaf ears, is terrifying.
The idea that your concerns about your safety, in both the immediate (having to buy a new drink after going to be bathroom, because someone might have dropped something in the open cup; holding your keys between your knuckles like a knife; whether to walk faster away from the cat-callers or will that egg them on, will they follow you, will they act, because you know they can overpower you) and the distant (not having the right to govern your own body; a bundle of undeveloped cells being seen as more important than your own life): the idea that those concerns are met with a shrug and a “you can’t let fear rule your life”, or “it’s getting better”, or even, “that’s just how it is” is fucking terrifying.
So if you’re a boy, and one of your female friends trusts you enough to voice these concerns, you should realize how much that means. You should use your privilege (no one can accuse you of hysteria, or being too invested in the issue) to make sure this kind of shit doesn’t get swept under the rug.
Defend your friends. Defend girls. We are afraid because we need to be afraid. It would be nice to know that our dads and brothers and friends had our backs.
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To the terribly misguided and hateful people that have written in saying that “we feminists” are using this “incident” to capitalize and further our “agenda”:
Feminists aren’t celebrating a gotcha moment, nor a we knew it all along moment.
We’re mourning.
We didn’t need another murder, another death to “know it all along”. We already knew.
And that’s the point. That’s why we fight. That’s why we refuse to remain silent. Because we know the state in which we live. We know the terror it brings and will continue to bring.
Misogyny kills. Rape culture kills. Toxic masculinity kills.
We didn’t want it to happen again. And now it has.
We don’t want to be right. There’s nothing to gain from it, only so much to lose.
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Yes All Men.Because someone has to say it, and it has to be a man.
Yes. All men.
Just because you’ve never groped a woman, never hit a woman, would never force yourself on a woman, doesn’t absolve you of all blame and responsibility.
We have all at one time or another said things and done things that have contributed to a society that normalises and condones misogyny. To a society in which men believe they are entitled to women’s bodies and that when they reject us women deserve to be punished.
Whether we were young and didn’t know better and have learned and changed and consider ourselves feminists now, nothing will change until we accept that we are all culpable. Even if all we did was stand by in silence and failed to challenge the words and actions of our fellow men. It doesn’t matter how much we regret it, it doesn’t matter how we’ve changed, it doesn’t matter that our transgressions might be slight…that at least we don’t hit, or rape, or kill. All of us, every last one of us, if we truly look at ourselves and are honest, share the blame.
Nothing will ever change until we accept that we are part of the problem. So long as we continue to lay the blame at the feet of other men, not us…never us…there is no hope for the future, no hope for the next generation of men who are starting out in life with ready made excuses.
We are the reason so many women live in fear. All of us. All men.
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Not All Men, But Still Too Many Men
It’s a myth. You’re entitled to nothing, and yet, ironically, you’re born with this pesky thing called privilege. And sure, someone out there is already mad I’ve invoked that word, that being a dude is hard on its own and privilege is an illusion and blah blah blah something about divorced men and prostate cancer, but just remember that the men go on dates thinking they won’t get laid, and women go on dates thinking they might get raped, punched, maybe killed. Remember that as a man you can say all kinds of shit and add “lol” at the end of it and nobody gives a shit, but as a woman anything you say might be interpreted as antagonistic and end up with rape threats or death threats. Remember that any seemingly safe space — train station, bookstore, social media, city park — is an opportunity for a man to catch a train or read a book, but is also an opportunity for a woman to be the subject of threat or sexual violence.
Remember that men get paid more, get to do more, get to be more.
I understand that as a man your initial response to women talking about misogyny, sexism, rape culture and sexual violence is to wave your hands in the air like a drowning man and cry, “Not all men! Not all men!” as if to signal yourself as someone who is not an entitled, presumptive fuck-whistle, but please believe me that interjecting yourself in that way confirms that you are. Because forcing yourself into safe spaces and unwelcome conversations makes you exactly that.
Instead of telling women that it’s not all men, show them.
Show them by listening and supporting.
Show them by cleaning the dogshit out of your ears and listening to their stories — and recognize that while no, it’s not “all men,” it’s still “way too many men.” Consider actually reading the #YesAllWomen hashtag on Twitter not to look for places to interject and defend your fellow men, but as a place to gain insight and understanding into the experiences women have. That hashtag should serve as confirmation that women very often experience the spectrum of sexism and rape culture from an all-too-early age. Recognize that just because “not all men” are gun-toting, women-hating assholes fails to diminish the fact that sexism and rape culture remain firmly entrenched and institutional within our culture.
Because if your response to the shooting is to defend men (or worse, condemn women) instead of speaking out against this type of violence and attitude, then you best check yourself.
This isn’t the time to talk about nice guys. Or friend zoning. Or men’s rights. Or rejection.
This isn’t the time to ride up as standard-bearers for the realm of menfolk.
You have privilege, so use it. You’re not a white knight, but if other men try to objectify women or talk down to them — step up or walk away. If you have a son, teach him about consent and drive home the point that the 100% of the fault in a rape case is on the rapist, not the victim. Help other men — you, your children, your friends — reach a place of empathy.
This isn’t about you. Don’t derail. Don’t pull that mansplaining bullshit.
Shut your mouth and don’t speak over them.
Open your ears and listen.
Open your eyes and see.
It’s a myth. You’re entitled to nothing, and yet, ironically, you’re born with this pesky thing called privilege. And sure, someone out there is already mad I’ve invoked that word, that being a dude is hard on its own and privilege is an illusion and blah blah blah something about divorced men and prostate cancer, but just remember that the men go on dates thinking they won’t get laid, and women go on dates thinking they might get raped, punched, maybe killed. Remember that as a man you can say all kinds of shit and add “lol” at the end of it and nobody gives a shit, but as a woman anything you say might be interpreted as antagonistic and end up with rape threats or death threats. Remember that any seemingly safe space — train station, bookstore, social media, city park — is an opportunity for a man to catch a train or read a book, but is also an opportunity for a woman to be the subject of threat or sexual violence.
Remember that men get paid more, get to do more, get to be more.
I understand that as a man your initial response to women talking about misogyny, sexism, rape culture and sexual violence is to wave your hands in the air like a drowning man and cry, “Not all men! Not all men!” as if to signal yourself as someone who is not an entitled, presumptive fuck-whistle, but please believe me that interjecting yourself in that way confirms that you are. Because forcing yourself into safe spaces and unwelcome conversations makes you exactly that.
Instead of telling women that it’s not all men, show them.
Show them by listening and supporting.
Show them by cleaning the dogshit out of your ears and listening to their stories — and recognize that while no, it’s not “all men,” it’s still “way too many men.” Consider actually reading the #YesAllWomen hashtag on Twitter not to look for places to interject and defend your fellow men, but as a place to gain insight and understanding into the experiences women have. That hashtag should serve as confirmation that women very often experience the spectrum of sexism and rape culture from an all-too-early age. Recognize that just because “not all men” are gun-toting, women-hating assholes fails to diminish the fact that sexism and rape culture remain firmly entrenched and institutional within our culture.
Because if your response to the shooting is to defend men (or worse, condemn women) instead of speaking out against this type of violence and attitude, then you best check yourself.
This isn’t the time to talk about nice guys. Or friend zoning. Or men’s rights. Or rejection.
This isn’t the time to ride up as standard-bearers for the realm of menfolk.
You have privilege, so use it. You’re not a white knight, but if other men try to objectify women or talk down to them — step up or walk away. If you have a son, teach him about consent and drive home the point that the 100% of the fault in a rape case is on the rapist, not the victim. Help other men — you, your children, your friends — reach a place of empathy.
This isn’t about you. Don’t derail. Don’t pull that mansplaining bullshit.
Shut your mouth and don’t speak over them.
Open your ears and listen.
Open your eyes and see.
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“For the countless women and girls who have come to live with harassment as a daily cost of being in public and productive while female - let alone while feminist - the tragedy at Isla Vista has been a chilling wake-up call. I know I will never be able to tell myself in quite the same way that the men who link me to two-hundred-post threads about how I ought to be raped can’t actually hurt my body, no matter how much they savage my peace of mind. We have been told for a long time that the best way to deal with this sort of harassment and violence is to laugh it off. Women and girls and queer people have been told that online misogynists pose no real threat, even when they’re sharing intimate guides to how to destroy a woman’s self-esteem and force her into sexual submission. Well, now we have seen what the new ideology of misogyny looks like at its most extreme. We have seen incontrovertible evidence of real people being shot and killed in the name of that ideology, by a young man barely out of childhood himself who had been seduced into a disturbing cult of woman-hatred. Elliot Rodger was a victim - but not for the reasons he believed.”
-Laurie Penny, The New Statesmen
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If/Then/ShouldIf, in response to this most recent shooting (or any of the counts of men brutalizing women who’ve rejected them), a boy says to you “Hey, not all guys are like that,” or “You’re generalizing men,”, you should be cautious of that person. They are saying that your fear for your life is less important to them than their need to feel distanced from the problem.
If you hear a boy sympathize with this man, this ‘nice guy’ who got rejected, if they connect with that pain and rationalize his actions, you should be more than cautious of that person. That they choose to identify with him, rather than the ‘dumb sluts’ — the very human women, the people he saw as symbols of women’s lack of self-awareness and status as sexual objects — should scare you.
If that boy, or in fact, any person, tells you that things like these are the product of mental illness, or implies that they are isolated incidents, or even that you are making something out of nothing, you should be cautious of that person. One in three women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime. The person that implies you are being hysterical or irrational does not care about your safety or your feelings. You should be scared of someone like that.
If you are a boy, and these horrible, violent things disgust you, then do something about it. If you are incredulous that a man would ever do something like this to a woman, or indeed another human person, then say something. Women feel very often that the men they love and trust don’t care to listen to things like this.
That’s very isolating. The idea that your valid fears — the things that make you nervous walking alone at night, nervous about that boy who stares at you in class, nervous about saying the wrong thing, wearing the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing that somehow justifies in the eyes of society your rape or murder — the idea that those fears, when spoken, fall on deaf ears, is terrifying.
The idea that your concerns about your safety, in both the immediate (having to buy a new drink after going to be bathroom, because someone might have dropped something in the open cup; holding your keys between your knuckles like a knife; whether to walk faster away from the cat-callers or will that egg them on, will they follow you, will they act, because you know they can overpower you) and the distant (not having the right to govern your own body; a bundle of undeveloped cells being seen as more important than your own life): the idea that those concerns are met with a shrug and a “you can’t let fear rule your life”, or “it’s getting better”, or even, “that’s just how it is” is fucking terrifying.
So if you’re a boy, and one of your female friends trusts you enough to voice these concerns, you should realize how much that means. You should use your privilege (no one can accuse you of hysteria, or being too invested in the issue) to make sure this kind of shit doesn’t get swept under the rug.
Defend your friends. Defend girls. We are afraid because we need to be afraid. It would be nice to know that our dads and brothers and friends had our backs.
If someone says “not all guys are like that” — great. So help do something about the guys that are.
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"You can’t fight fire with fire!!!"
I know. You fight fire with water, or with carbon dioxide foam. In either case, the substances work because they cut off the fire’s oxygen supply, and the fire suffocates, in a manner of speaking. Water does not gently soothe the fire to sleep. It strangles it, violently, usually with a loud splash, and maybe a hiss.
I do not want to fight your fire with fire, but I want to destroy it, noisily, effectively, permanently and noticeably. I want to choke the life out of it and ensure it cannot return, and I want others to follow my lead. You cannot fight hate with hate, but you have to fight hate with anger. It is only appropriate.
I know. You fight fire with water, or with carbon dioxide foam. In either case, the substances work because they cut off the fire’s oxygen supply, and the fire suffocates, in a manner of speaking. Water does not gently soothe the fire to sleep. It strangles it, violently, usually with a loud splash, and maybe a hiss.
I do not want to fight your fire with fire, but I want to destroy it, noisily, effectively, permanently and noticeably. I want to choke the life out of it and ensure it cannot return, and I want others to follow my lead. You cannot fight hate with hate, but you have to fight hate with anger. It is only appropriate.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
More Pictures
Hopefully you will be able to see how the headlight moved into the engine, that the alternator is crushed and the engine isn't supported at all anymore, since the frame has bent.
The trunk won't close all the way, but this truly is the best of all the damage done to this car, in all it's miles and years.
A few better perspective pictures, to show how far in the headlight is and where the engine used to be as compared to where it is now.
**Also, I currently have a rental car, a 2013 Hyundai Accent which I adore. I'm going to be so sad when I have to give that back. I'm allowed to take it to NY, so I won't ruin my Christmas plans. Things are turning around a bit, but I don't know how I'll replace the Corolla at this point in time. But it will work itself out.**
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Kaitlin's First Car Accident
I got in a car accident today. I'm okay, just a sore shoulder from the seat belt and a headache/possible mild concussion. And a very bruised ego, along with an overwhelming amount of anger at myself.
I was getting on I91 at Exit 20 in St. Johnsbury, which has a big, sweeping curve as its entrance before it meets up with the actual interstate. Speed limit is 45 mph, and I was doing about 35, because of the bad weather and it was snowing pretty heavily. As I reached the point where the entrance ramp meets the interstate, I started to speed up, and the back end of the car hit some ice and snow and started to come around. I automatically took my foot of the gas and tried to correct the car by turning the other way. Apparently I over corrected, because the car was suddenly going the other way and I slammed into the concrete median thing, to prevent drivers from driving off the overpass. (Thank God) I hit the front right of the car first, and very hard, and then the back end swung into the concrete median as well.
It doesn't look that bad, but the majority of the damage is to the engine. The close up of the headlight is where it shows the most, since the headlight got move in about a foot. My brother when he came to pick me up popped the hood, and the engine is moved back and diagonally a bit. The alternator is crushed, and part of the frame is sitting on the ground. And the engine was leaking some sort of fluid, but I'm not sure if it was oil or starter fluid or whatever. So my car will most likely be totaled, since it's got 223000+ miles on it, and it's only worth about $4000 at the most.
I'm just utterly embarrassed and upset and disgusted at myself. I have no idea how I'm going to get to Castleton to register for classes on Thursday. I'm most likely not going to be able to go to NY anymore, because if the car gets totaled (I should know tomorrow), the rental I get tomorrow morning will need to be returned. I haven't even begun to think about how I will be able to do hotline, because no one in my house gets home until 5:30-6pm, and if I get a call where I have to meet someone, it's a real inconvenience to have to tell them they have to wait until my parents get home so I can borrow the car. The only thing I have to be thankful for is that I'm okay, and that my semester is over, so I don't have to worry about getting to my classes.
I'm just so frustrated. I couldn't have picked a worse time to get in an accident. My family already couldn't afford to do Christmas presents this year, not to mention replace a car. And now I add more to mine and my parent's stress levels. It would be nice to catch a break. What's that saying, Can't win for losing? That's me right now.
Update: 12/18 I am currently in Waterbury at my mom's work waiting to hear back from enterprise about a rental car. Since I'm under 21, I have to be approved by corporate before I can get a car. But I should have one by tonight, and I will be able to get to Castleton. The car is currently at a mechanics body shop, where I will go Thursday afternoon to pick up all my stuff and the license plates from the car, and Friday the car will be inspected and they will tell me it's totaled, and then I will have to get a new car. But I've got a couple of different options at the moment, so I just have to sit back and wait for a little while.
I was getting on I91 at Exit 20 in St. Johnsbury, which has a big, sweeping curve as its entrance before it meets up with the actual interstate. Speed limit is 45 mph, and I was doing about 35, because of the bad weather and it was snowing pretty heavily. As I reached the point where the entrance ramp meets the interstate, I started to speed up, and the back end of the car hit some ice and snow and started to come around. I automatically took my foot of the gas and tried to correct the car by turning the other way. Apparently I over corrected, because the car was suddenly going the other way and I slammed into the concrete median thing, to prevent drivers from driving off the overpass. (Thank God) I hit the front right of the car first, and very hard, and then the back end swung into the concrete median as well.
It doesn't look that bad, but the majority of the damage is to the engine. The close up of the headlight is where it shows the most, since the headlight got move in about a foot. My brother when he came to pick me up popped the hood, and the engine is moved back and diagonally a bit. The alternator is crushed, and part of the frame is sitting on the ground. And the engine was leaking some sort of fluid, but I'm not sure if it was oil or starter fluid or whatever. So my car will most likely be totaled, since it's got 223000+ miles on it, and it's only worth about $4000 at the most.
I'm just utterly embarrassed and upset and disgusted at myself. I have no idea how I'm going to get to Castleton to register for classes on Thursday. I'm most likely not going to be able to go to NY anymore, because if the car gets totaled (I should know tomorrow), the rental I get tomorrow morning will need to be returned. I haven't even begun to think about how I will be able to do hotline, because no one in my house gets home until 5:30-6pm, and if I get a call where I have to meet someone, it's a real inconvenience to have to tell them they have to wait until my parents get home so I can borrow the car. The only thing I have to be thankful for is that I'm okay, and that my semester is over, so I don't have to worry about getting to my classes.
I'm just so frustrated. I couldn't have picked a worse time to get in an accident. My family already couldn't afford to do Christmas presents this year, not to mention replace a car. And now I add more to mine and my parent's stress levels. It would be nice to catch a break. What's that saying, Can't win for losing? That's me right now.
Update: 12/18 I am currently in Waterbury at my mom's work waiting to hear back from enterprise about a rental car. Since I'm under 21, I have to be approved by corporate before I can get a car. But I should have one by tonight, and I will be able to get to Castleton. The car is currently at a mechanics body shop, where I will go Thursday afternoon to pick up all my stuff and the license plates from the car, and Friday the car will be inspected and they will tell me it's totaled, and then I will have to get a new car. But I've got a couple of different options at the moment, so I just have to sit back and wait for a little while.
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